just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
