Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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