I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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