hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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