Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
