do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
