weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
