Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize