Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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