I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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