The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
