my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Randomize
