Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
