Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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