I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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