with your own penis?
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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