We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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