I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize