one two three fourrrrnication!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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