she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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