So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
