are you still at the devil's house?
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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