We won't sleep together?
You can't motorboat a personality
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
