Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
