So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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