bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Only a mothe r could love this liver
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
