As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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