I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
