There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
