On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
