Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I will be naked everywhere
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
