Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
