First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
