No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
