She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Randomize
