Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
