I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
