I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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