hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
