Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
