We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
