i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
