I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
