He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
