My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
she looked like the before picture.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
