We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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