I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
