i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
