I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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