At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
