that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Mom said you looked used
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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