My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
