I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
