Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
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