Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
