You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
