Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize