tell your sister to shave her snatch
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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