i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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