Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
