she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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