better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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