i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
