There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
