New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize