drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
smell my finger.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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