i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
4 words: hood of his car
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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